What comes first... your beliefs, which turn into thoughts, which triggers a neuronal response in the brain, which turns into an emotion... OR...
A chemical imbalance in the brain which results in certain thoughts and beliefs, which results in certain unpleasant emotions?
For the most part I believe in the former... the belief comes first. I have seen people's mindset change on a dime when they've realized a belief they've held, or a negatively impactful choice they've been holding inside themselves. Depression from 80 miles per hour to zero in a few seconds. If the latter theory were true (that we're at the mercy of our chemical makeup), then this wouldn't be possible.
Now I wish I could say this for every single instance on earth, but I can't. A certain set of people do seem absolutely stuck in where they are. But I can confidently say that it's very common for the belief to come first... even in severe cases. I have seen it in myself and in patients too many times to deny it.
The belief results in a set of thoughts, which results in emotions and experiences.
Belief -> Thoughts -> Experience / Emotion
However it is trendy nowadays to blame our experiences on our brains. There is even a meme for it... "scumbag brain". "My brain woke me up in the middle of the night to remind me of a horrible experience I had ten years ago, etc.". It may seem funny but it's very disempowering for any sort of healing to occur.
Perhaps there is more there. Perhaps there is a reason that memory bothers you so much... perhaps you're even interested in turning it over in your mind and figuring out what you may have done wrong in a certain situation. You're perplexed and annoyed by your brain doing this to you, but don't realize you have an interest in doing it.
How does this relate to beliefs you say? Well if you've done something embarrassing then perhaps you feel silly, and you can't allow yourself to feel silly and embarrassed because then you feel like you're lesser than other people. So you turn this memory over in your head because of the belief "I'm lesser than other people". You hate it, but you want to solve the feelings and confusing that are arising. There is a desire to go there.
Let’s take an example of a mother, Claire. She’s a great mother and does all that she can for her kids, but never feels like it’s enough. She lies in bed and her head spins, wondering if she made the right lunch today and if it was nutritious enough for her son. She knows she did her best and made something healthy, but she still wonders.
Claire has a memory from 2 years ago when she turned around for a minute and her son fell and hurt his knee and cried. The thoughts come that she’s such a bad mother for doing this and she feels horrible.
But WHY is her brain telling her this? It was two years ago… and her scumbag brain is showing me these memories now… why?!
There’s a lesson herein that took me a long time to figure out. If you have an interest in such thoughts, then they will bother you. You are interested in turning over that story in your head… did I really do enough? Could I have done better? Maybe I could have done this or that differently. Without the interest in the thoughts, they will cease to exist.
So what makes this mother have an interest in these thoughts? It is because she has tied her identity to being a good mother. If she’s not a good mother than who is she? That’s just who she is.
*Note that this is a specific example for this specific person… I’m not saying that thoughts like this stem from the same place in everyone who feels this way.
This ties into something called I AM statements which I will explore in more detail in a later blog post. But essentially they are statements we have within ourselves that define who we are and what we believe our self worth to be.
It’s like René Descartes’ statement “I think therefore I am”, or in other words, “I am able to think, therefore I know I exist”.
Claire’s I AM statement (we can call this her belief) is: “I am a good mother, therefore I am”, or “I am a good mother, therefore I exist”, i.e. her entire being is hinging on her being a good mother. Without that she feels as though she is nothing, or perhaps worthless… almost as though she doesn’t exist.
As such she needs to constantly reassure herself that she is a good mother, and therein come the thoughts, and the interest in turning over those thoughts all the time. The belief that I AM a good mother, therefore I am, is the working foundation for what happens to this woman when she tries to fall asleep. The belief comes first, then follow the thoughts and emotions.
Without reassuring herself of her I AM statement she is scared. Who am I? Am I worthy? How do I know if I’m good enough? She scrambles constantly to be a good mother to run away from these fears. Without being a good mother she is lost.
If you liked this article please check out the rest on my blog for a little bit more about my thoughts and philosophies and what it’s like to work with me.
Matt
コメント